Let's be honest, that's what it was. Three matches. However, I thought those matches would be:
*Bryan Danielson v Sheamus for the WHC
*Chris Jericho v CM Punk
*Undertaker v Triple H (Hell in a Cell)
Now, I'd made it clear that three matches was not worth $50 (and I later found out that they'd upped the price to $60 - bollocks to that!). Well, one of those matches, Danielson v Sheamus, was an 18 second affair so that was crossed out and the third match was The Rock v John Cena. Which, quite frankly, wasn't one I was all that interested in. Infact, I thought Punk v Jericho was closing the show until some twitterquaintances pointed out my error.
I'm really glad I didn't order it honestly. HITC and Punk/Jericho delivered but the rest was hardly the "Showcase of the Immortals" like it used to be. I said this before, but didn't Wrestlemania used to be reserved for the best of the best? The culmination of weeks/months of build up, of feuds that finally reached their peak at the show? Thanks to a friend of mine who sent me several of the old Wrestlemanias, I can compare between then and now. It does not feel the same at all. Maybe that's because of the changes in wrestling overall, but it lacked. There were several filler matches that didn't deserve a spot. I'm all for folks getting their "Wrestlemania payday" but when did it become about getting everyone possible crammed on the card?
Anyways, enough bitching. Lets get on with it.
Danielson v Sheamus. Out comes Sheamus. Out comes BD with AJ. BD gets AJ up on the apron to get a kiss from her. BD turns around into the Brogue Kick and gets pinned. 18 seconds. Absolute crap, I don't care what kind of story that comes out of this, bottom line is that there were people who paid to see that match and they got cheated. So did Danielson and Sheamus. Speaks volumes about how little WWE cares about the fans, or their wrestlers for that matter. Oh, I'm sorry, not wrestlers, *Superstars*.
Kane v Orton was better than it had any right to be, but it was, again, a slapped together feud just to get them on the show. Filler material. But interesting that Kane won.
Big Show v Cody Rhodes for the IC title. Strange to see a man who has won the WWE title before get so emotional about winning the IC title, but it was nice to see that it meant something to him. They did alright together and Show finally ends his losing streak at Wrestlemania. Personally I think he should've lost and have him face UT next year. Streak v Streak. (I'm joking. Mostly.)
Edit - Jon just informed me that Show had never won the IC title, so with that win last night, he is now a Grand Slam Champion, having won every title in the WWE. Which explains the emotion he showed. Congratulations Show!
Oh, the tag team titles were defended in a three way contest before the actual show, in a pre-show that was aired online. Why they didn't bump Kane v Orton and put the tag titles on the actual card is beyond me. Then again, the tag division is a joke. Much like the women's division. Oh, sorry, DIVAS Division. My bad. Speaking of which...
Giving credit where credit is due, kudos to Maria Menounos for working with cracked (or broken depending on who you read) ribs and I think foot injuries. Although it really made the match worse due to not being able to move a lot. Also kudos to Beth Phoenix for carrying three women - her shoulders and back probably hurt like hell today.
And that's all the good I can say about this match because otherwise it was crap. Not just crap, but crap that was deep fried in oil, basted with urine, stuffed with coconut and set inbetween two slices of charbroiled cow manure.
Kelly has been there since 2006 and she still cannot run the ropes. SIX YEARS AND SHE CANNOT RUN THE ROPES. But she can do a half assed Molly Go Round apparently. Eve was really off her game, she is normally decent in the ring. Not last night though. Beth did her best, but aside from some "Hoeski" chants at the start, not a single fuck was given by the crowd or by most of the at-home fans. In a better world, Maria would have come out with Kelly, announced her injury and say she found a replacement for herself. Out comes, best case scenario, Nattie. Worse case scenario, Alicia. But at least they would have made sense as replacements. And if Maria still wanted to be involved have her distract Beth or Eve to allow the faces to get the win.
But then again...it's the Divas. And we are programmed to not care. So, I don't. Moving on.
I was surprised that the HITC match was in the middle of the card. It zapped the crowd of a lot of their energy and they didn't really come back alive until towards the end of Punk v Jericho. Which is a shame considering that was the other best match on the show. Nonetheless, for me, Undertaker v Triple H was match of the night. And it would've lacked that spark if HBK hadn't been there.
I've often likened wrestling to a dance. When all the dancers know their moves, execute them flawlessly and radiate real passion and emotion, it can bring an audience to it's feet. So it was with their match. I poked fun at Shawn's reactions at the start but by the end, I was fully invested in his struggle. When Triple H started wailing away on Undertaker's back with the chair I winced and wished it would stop. Same for when the roles were reversed. But I did not want HBK to stop the match like Triple H was ordering him to. It pained me to see Undertaker begging him not to. The emotions were all so raw and real.
I thought it was over after the Superkick/Pedigree combo. Fortunately it wasn't and it played out so well, with Triple H mentally and physically deteriorating, coming to the realisation that he could not beat the Undertaker. I loved at the end when he mimicked Shawn, giving the DX chop, then crawling up Undertaker's legs until he grabbed him for the Tombstone.
After the match though, that got me to cry. Shawn extending his hand, Undertaker taking it, the hug between the two. I thought UT would leave but when he helped Shawn pull Hunter up and helped him up the ramp...when the three hugged, I cried. It was as if the curtain was pulled down and we weren't seeing Shawn, Hunter and the Undertaker. We saw Michael, Paul and Mark. Colleagues, co-workers, friends (maybe). The three that, even in the worst of times in the '90s, never left the WWF for greener pastures. The three that are the last links to the past.
If it really is the end of an era, then it's a fitting end for three souls who have walked such a long path together.
.......Although I'll be mourning the loss of the Undertaker's hair. He was my first wrestling crush and that died last night. A horrible, horrible death.
Anyways...
I'll be honest, I didn't see Team Johnny v Team Teddy because I was watching Diva-Dirt.com's alternative Wrestlemania match, which was Lufisto v Kalamity from Femmes Fatales VII last October. A superb match by two fantastic women and one of the best things about Wrestlemania overall. Although I did see Eve cost Ryder (and Team Teddy) the match. That would've been fine though, had she pulled off her shirt to reveal a "Team Johnny" shirt. Otherwise it just solidified her heel status. I guess? I don't know. I'm confused.
The crowd was still so spent that it didn't really rev back up for Jericho v Punk until the end. Which is unfortunate because it was the other great match of the night. And Punk went over clean, getting Jericho to tap out. See, Hunter? Others are capable of putting over younger talent. Why couldn't you? Anyways. Good to see Jericho still has it. And Punk was awesome as he always is. The right person won.
Rock v Cena closed the show. There were a bunch of unnecessary musical acts that introduced them both but I couldn't tell you who they were. I knew Puffy. Oh, I did know Flo Rider but meh. The match started fine, there was some nice technical work (Rock busting out some deep armdrags, which was cool), but Rock got really winded halfway through. It was noticeable, him huffing and puffing. The match was what it was, nothing decent or memorable in the long run. But neither of these two are known for their wrestling skills so it was obvious how it was going to be.
Rock winning sent the crowd home happy, and sets up an interesting dilemma - where does John Cena go from here? A lot of folks want him to turn heel and try to set up a rematch. Cena himself says he's against turning his character. True it would cost a lot of revenue in merch and hurt his standing with his fan base, but the Cena character itself is stale and in need of a change. Even a subtle change, more edginess, would be different.
We'll wait to see what happens. Regardless, I'm glad I didn't pay for this show. I haven't bought a WWE program in two years and that won't change any time soon.
